Damn! Early Sunday morning, I hear Michelle scream, "Oh my God!! There's a GIANT BLUE HERON in the fish pond!!". That's Sunday February 5th, snow on the ground, broad day-light, two big dogs laying just feet away from the pond (they bark at snow, but not Herons, apparently) ... what the hell is a
Blue Heron doing in our friggin' fish pond?? We rush outside, bare feet across a snow covered brick patio, glance into the pond ... and as the giant bird slowly escapes, we see ONLY ONE of our nine fish. "Long John", our fearless Koi was the sole survivor.
As we've told this story, I find that most people eventually laugh. And they eventually mention something about how it's all cool and natural. Some people have actually suggested we get a scarecrow. Hmmmmm.
I don't imagine scare crows. I imagine a scene where I run towards the giant bird, and it stumbles. I pin it's wing under my low-top steel toe boot, and I shove my fist down it's scrawny neck, grabbing all eight fish in one swoop. And as I toss 'em back into the fish pond, I pin the bird's beak under my right arm and whisper into its ear, "I knew it was you all along, Fredo", then I hand it an envelope, with a single one-way ticket to South Beach Miami, and let it limp off. And as I turn back towards the pond, I hear two shots, and the sound of a Blue Heron's body falling in the snow. I just stand there, shivering, and staring into Long John's sad black eyes, "It's gonna be OK girl, it's gonna be OK".
4 Comments:
Oh no! That is so sad. We just lost our dear little golden friend Gucci-Gucci on Thursday. Gucci was an especially animated guy, wiggling his tail and smiling at us from the bowl as we walked by. We'll miss gucci. Maybe he's pals with your guys in the great fish beyond.
I wasn't really laughing, Michael. I did get a brief chuckle, but it was brief. Besides, there is nothing natural about a heron eating out of a concrete pond. Natural is behind Nanny and Pop-pop's joint. Your pond is just murder, calculated murder. I remember the good old days when shark attacks would spread fear, panic and culling. Maybe we just need a good old heron culling. I think herons are overrated anyway, what good do they really do?
Nice Michael ref ... the laughers were Brian A., my sister, Kelli (our barber), etc. In any case, yes I'm up for the culling.
If you should choose to place a "scarecrow" at your Koi pond, I would suggest a kimono with dried seaweed as the mode of dress. Perhaps a sign reading SUSHI BAR, Eat at your own risk, would also be appropriate. Maybe a samurai sword for your kimonocrow.
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